What Would I Do...

..without my girls? I have the most amazing women in my life. They are perfect in every way and I treasure each and every one of them.
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Being the Nice Girl Hurts

I am laying hear watching Hitch as large tears roll down my face. I just got off the phone with Mafia Man. We are 4 dates in and I think I just got the nice girl speech. Or woman speech as the case may be. I am too sweet, perfect, beautiful and polite and he doesn't want to hurt me a year from now. He sees what an amazing woman I am and doesn't know if can give me what I deserve. Why am I so upset? Because I continue to believe in my happy ending. I keep trying. I keep showing up and always seem to get my heart hurt as soon as I open up to the possibility of happy. I am tired of trying only to share who I am and get hurt before I "actually" get hurt. When is it my turn? I am tired of laying in my bed with Baby E wiping my tears after some random conversation that includes your awesome but I don't know. A conversation that involves me asking why the hell would you drag me here only to tell me this? I actually didn't say it like that but handled it like a lovely woman. AND then we got off the phone an I fell apart. So here I am ending a weekend and the day before his birthday completely hurt and sad and confused. Men always say they don't if they can give me what I deserve. So I get nothing. Zero. Zippo. Nada.
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Mafia Man's Little Man

I am on my way to Mafia Man's house and am going to have a very family kind of evening. It will be Mafia Man, his Little Man, Little Man's friend, Cooper the dog, Baby E and me. Sweet Jesus!
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Mistaken Identity

A funny thing happened last week that I didn't tell you guys about. OMG! I thought it was absolutely hysterical. Mafia Man had big clients from China at his office. He is waiting their arrival to be at any moment so he is on the look out. This is when he spots a woman dressed in a skanky outfit that has an uncanny resemblance to wonder woman in the office. He immediately gets on the phone with his assistant and is yelling, "There is an old prostitute in the office!!! Get her out of here!!!" His assistant replies, "It is Halloween!" He starts cracking up. He actually thought there was not only a prostitute but an old prostitute in the building. Funny right????

Careless Whispers

So last night was 80's night at the S Ranch and trust me when I say I was not in the fucking mood. I woke up still horribly sick. I soaked my ass in the shower, slapped the hair a "little more maintenance" ponytail and headed out the door. There was no way I was goign to class but I decided to grab my bag without looking at it just in case. I didnt even know if I had anything to wear. It was a risk but at that moment at 6:30 am I didnt give a shit.

So, by the time I got to class I kinda had a song, "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner or the cover by Mariah Carey. I wasnt crazy about it but my iPod does not have a ton of 80's music on it. Thankfully Luscious had my ass covered and she literally handed me one of my favorite childhood songs. It rocked. It soon became a group effort. Hot Stuff let me wear her leopard bra to match my leopard side tie shorts and I slapped on a triangle top over the bra to give it a bondage effect. It made me happy. Speaking of....I hope I have that top in my bad. Hmmm.

So, I had not even fathomed that my little Goth Angel was going to whip out a pink tutu (how the fuck do you spell it? - who cares, I wasnt crazy about the thought of wearing it) but figured what the fuck do I have to lose. Right? Right. So I slap on the the damn pink thing and go for it. I actually enjoyed it. We danced together three at a time so I was able to dance to La Isla Bonita by Madonna and Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx. Loved the entire thing.

The funny part is I dont remember anything about my dance. I think this is a good sign. Sweets told me she teared up when I danced. So sweet and so amazing.

No More Driving for Mafia Man

Wednesday morning I woke up to a message from Mafia Man. He was ending his day, albeit at 4:30am, and he was wishing I was at home waiting for him. I must admit, and I did, that I wish I was waking up or going to bed as the case might be with him too. Very strange how we are so comfortable around one another. I don’t even know if the word is comfortable it is almost like we have been this way for a very long time. I don’t know how to explain it but our worlds don’t seem as unfamiliar as they might seem after only a few dates. So we texted one another for a few minutes and he told me that he wanted to see me tonight. Well on Wednesdays I dance and go to dinner with my girls afterwards but I knew despite the fact that I did not feel well and that I hate cancelling on my girls that I had to. I had to change my plans because I don’t want Mafia Man to feel that I don’t care about him or that I am busy entertaining other suitors which I am not. He seems to be an all in and no games type of man and I seriously am intrigued about us and want to put full effort into it.

I agreed to see him and told him to meet me at the restaurant below the studio after my class. Since I had run out of my place feeling so sick this morning I had not even thought twice about what I looked like. Oh sweet Jesus not one stitch of makeup or anything. Whatever, it is what it is. We can either spend more time together or I can go home and get ready and we spend less time together. I opted for more time together but I did have my girl bring me some stuff to help me out a bit.

A few hours before class he sends me a text saying that his cousin David and his girl want to come too and that he wants to go to Mastro’s. Really?!?!?! Really?!?!?! He doesn’t realize that family and Mastro’s are a completely different event. Seriously man. So I send him a text letting him know that if he wants to do that, that he needs to let me know quickly because I will have to go to Plan B. He was in meetings so I had to wait. I was like okie dokie but just know the clock is tickingMister. So then I get the green light to call him and he is rushing me because he has a meeting and people are waiting for him. I told him that he is the boss and they can wait two minutes while we figure out our evening. He was very cute about it. We quickly decided that it was an “us” type of evening. I like that we can just pull the trigger like that. He is very much about giving me what I want and Mama likes that. Hee, hee! But to be fair, I in turn like giving him what he likes.

...He doesn’t realize that family and Mastro’s are a completely different event...

Well, at 8pm he texts me to let me know that he is on his way. So Sweets and I sat in the studio and caught up while I waited for Mafia Man’s arrival. That is when I receive a phone call and he is laughing. He tells me that he now understands why I was so cranky the other day. He put the address to the restaurant in his nav and headed out. Well he was headed towards Downtown LA and thought that the nav was giving him incorrect information. So, he turned around and went back to the 405 and around the 10. He basically drove 3 sides of a square. Poor man. I felt horrible. He tells me that either way he is smiling now because he knows that he will see me soon which of course brings a smile to my face.

He texts me when he is one mile away. Sweets and I keep talking when I realize another 20 minutes has gone by. I call him and he asks me, “Is there supposed to be a hill on this street?” OMG! He is heading in the wrong direction. I tell him to busted a u-turn and then ask him if he wants to still meet me or should we head to my neck of the woods. He says your house and we can walk somewhere close. Perfect. Meanwhile I am telling him that I am going to write a letter to Range Rover complaining about their nav. He laughs and says, “I am not in the RR, I am in a mini-van” WTF? A mini-van. My girl was like a mini can and I told her he is giving me shit about screaming Ranger Rover like he is a baller. Rolling my eyes I am thinking please jesus let him not be in a fucking mini van. I hate mini vans. Ugh. So, I head off to give Mafia Man his own personal escort to my house.

As I pull up next to him in the parking lot I completely smile as I see his face. It is an oddly great thing. I didn’t have the yuck or bolt reaction at all this time. He tells me that he will follow me and hopes I don’t lose him. Lose me? Well, I realize what he meant. Omg, he drives slower than my mother. He is probably on the phone, texting and now I understand the utter need for him to have a driver. Lets just say it is scary as fuck to drive 55 on these freeways. Seriously, I am laughing the whole way home as I wonder why my lovely man has a Supercharged RR. He should have saved the money or asked if they had a fucking slowercharged one. Lord knows that car has never seen any kind of action. Poor gorgeous baby car.

So we get to my place and I run upstairs and quickly throw on a more fitted turtle neck and pick up my place really quickly. As I run down to meet him, I see that the valet in the building is trying to get him to not block our driveway. I get up to the window and once again feel so connected. I decide that his driving days are over. Hop out buddy, Mama is driving. So we head off to find a place to eat. I realize that I get to use my ME skills and just pick what and I want because he is super okay with that because he is just happy to be with me. Meanwhile he is dealing with some major work deadline for his company. I don’t mind this because I know that he is carving out time to be with me and that is what matters. So what if he has to juggle work in between. He is with me and I feel so blessed.

We have a wonderful dinner and then head back to my place. It feels like he has been there many times. He really liked my place and felt super comfortable. It was all in all a wonderful evening.

Still Sick and Pouting

I have to admit that I spent all day wanting to see Mafia Man. Yes, I missed him. I wanted to see him and learned the hard way that with this man you can’t wait around for him to get the hint. Good to know. He was very cute and told me when he called at 10 pmt that he is retarded and needs to be told when and where to be and he will be there.

He offered to come over, which was very sweet and tempting but definitely not where we are at and not at 10 at night. He has never even been to my place. He also mentioned that he assumed I was busy because I usually am. He also threw in that I probably have 20 guys chasing after me. The funny thing is, is that I haven’t gone on a date since the week we went to Cut and really don’t want to. He told me you know the night we went to Cut the entire room, which was mainly filled with men at business meetings, turned to look at you when we were being walked to the table. I told him to remember that when we were being walked to the table that he had wanted to cut and run to the men’s room and that I had told me that he was going to walk me to the table first. I made sure he knew that the reason I did that was so everyone in that room would know that I was with him and he was with me. Period. He was like, that’s right. You did say that. When I am with him, I am with him and I really wanted him to know that. I also wanted him to know that I don’t want to see anyone else. I want to explore us further but decided that I would leave that conversation for another time.

I continued to pout about wanting to see him and not getting the chance to. He set my pouty girl straight which I like because I admit that I can chew the flavor out of a problem for sure. I am really good at that. He told me to get over it. Love it. I now know how I get what I want. I very directly tell him. Easy, breezy. I really love the way we interact even though I hate talking on the phone with him. We are more of a face-to-face couple. Did I just say couple? Oh good grief!

Spider Bites

So I get to yoga on Monday with every intention of getting back into the swing of things despite my flu morphing into a cold over the weekend. I start the first breathing exercise and I start to itch like crazy. Yup, I have a fucking spider bite on my elbow. I try to concentrate on my mediation but I feel my body burning up. I spent the entire fucking class scratching myself. I even walked out halfway through on the advice of the teacher who though if maybe I rinsed off in the shower it might help. Nope! I didn’t want to go home because after all it is hard enough to get here and to just go home would be such a wasted evening so I hobbled through and did what I could do. I feel like my body is just not happy with me. I am still sick and on top of everything else I get attacked by a sneaky spider. Wtf? Really?

Halloween á la Rogue

So, since I had to evacuate Mafia Man’s casa on Halloween I pouted my way home and even though I was exhausted I called Luscious and she coaxed me into heading over sans shower and in need of a little more maintenance to join her and her husband, Mr. Rogue whom I have never met and the Fruits and her cousin for a mellow Halloween dinner at her place. How could Baby E and I say no that? So we head over and find my lovely Luscious and the rest of the crew are dressed up and the house is covered in Halloween décor and pumpkins lining the walk. So much fun.

I finally met Mr. Rogue and immediately understood. He is perfect for her and it truly made me happy all over again for their love and my girl’s blessings. I also was able to meet Baby Fruit for the first time and immediately went to pick this gorgeous little woman up and out of her crib. She was adorable and loved Baby E. It was very cute. She has the longest eyelashes and I swear to you my ovaries were floundering around like fish out of fucking water. Ugh. This evening kind of made it even more clear to me that I know what I want. Home, family, love, partnership and a gaggle of little ones. I want to have a home where we can be surrounded by love and family and friends on holidays and special occasions. I want this so badly and know that because of my experience and patience it will be that much sweeter when it happens.

It was such a perfect way to spend Halloween. It was the first holiday that Luscious and I spent together and I truly feel that it will only be the beginning of many more to come.

Visit to Mafia Man’s Casa – Part II

We sat there and talked and talked and talked it was crazy. When I mentioned it being time for Baby E and I to head home his face fell. I never assumed that it was going to be a sleepover but was prepared just in case. He was so adorable because he wanted me to stay because he felt that since we haven’t been able to spend that much time together that this time was super important. Adorable, right? So we compromised, I wouldn’t go to Yoga at 8:30 so we could spend time together and I would just go in the afternoon. He was happy and I was happy. The funny thing is that we did not end up going to bed until 5 in the morning. It was a great night and Baby E was super comfortable.

Believe it or not at 6am I was up. My body has her own eating schedule now and she was ready to eat. Especially after all the extra-curricular activity. Hee, hee! So, guess what? Yup, he made me an egg white omelette with feta, tomatoes and turkey bacon. So sweet. Two thumbs for the man! Poor guy was sleep walking at this point. He was so exhausted and I was sitting at the island in a sexy wifebeater and some man pj bottoms all sexy like and as excited as a five year old waiting for her Mickey Mouse pancakes. Yes, my mama use to make those for me. We then went back to bed for a few hours.

Our Saturday was spent in bed watching a movie, talking and napping. We only came up for air at meal time which we spent cooking together. For lunch we made breakfast sandwiches and he was so fucking cute because he was like okay put yours together so I see how you like so I will know how to do it next time. He then determined that the way I made my sandwich was much better than his. Even the way I cut mine was better he said. It was cute. We sat on the patio off of the living room in our pjs basking in the sun eating and talking as Baby E pranced around us. It was a lovely way to end our time together.

It is funny because I felt super comfortable at home with him just putzing around. It was great. I have to admit that I did not want to leave. It is an interesting feeling for sure. Unfortunately and I don’t even like saying it because I totally understand. His son invited his Dad to go trick or treating with him and his friends. How could he not go, right? So this means that I would have to go home since he was coming over. It was not appropriate for me to be there. Mafia Man did mention that he wishes we had known each other longer so that we could spend Halloween together with his son. Once again I have to say that he is very sweet. I love looking into his eyes. It is very weird. Oh good god I sound like a damn romance novel. He asked me to come back later and even though I wanted to say yes I knew the correct answer was no. *sigh*